Confession

Why have I not updated my blog readers on those two remaining summer applications?  Because I am a terrible person.  I intruded on the privacy of my only daughter.  It all happened like this...

It was a Saturday two weeks ago, with spring-like weather, a beautiful day.  My kids had trekked off to karate lessons and the mail came promptly by 10 am.  Delivery for that day included the regular bills and advertisements, with a special 12 by 15 size envelope from Phillips Academy. 

I set it aside.  It was the news I had been hoping for for at least six weeks.  I knew from experience, by the size of the envelope, that it was good news.  Worcester Academy had once sent us a beautiful letter of acceptance from a similar sized envelope, within which congratulated us with $17,000 worth of financial aid.  But that, along with an acceptance to Dana Hall and a wait-list notice from Groton were all addressed to me, the parent.

For an hour I was composed, able to conquer the anxiety that had been wrenching from within these past weeks.  Will she make it?  At what cost?  But an echo from within reassured me that I couldn't possibly, physically, wait for another 3 and a half hours for her return.  I could only admire the embossed academy emblem for so long.  I had chores to do, but how could I possibly do them?  My counter-conscience whispered to me, at noon, that I was the adult here.  I had every right to access this information about my child.  The content of this, and any other letter, text mail, voice mail, e-mail, facebook comment -- all were my right to review for her safety.

So I succumbed.  The disappointment of not being Vulcan-like, able to control my emotions on this matter, was disappointing until I read the letter...  Not only an admission because of her "intellectual curiosity," "creative energy," and "maturity," but also a scholarship amount of $5,500!  I was breathless, palpitating as I would have any way if I did not open the letter.  She had made it, selected to an excellent institution once again, but I didn't make it character-wise.  I opened her letter.

When she arrived home, we hugged in exhaltation.  I might have jumped up and down and asked her to read the letter aloud loudly, slowly.  Although her words of "it's okay that you opened it," relieved me slightly, I still felt horrible for not being able to wait.  Is this the type of person Ivy Eyes is?